Front on... I look a joke

Today, i cut my hair. The barber cut one side first and then did the other.
Result: On one side i look like one person, and on the other i look a totally different one. And from the front... I look a joke.

You see, this barber has a shop in punchiborella, that were you not specifically searching for it, you would never find. Kind of like "platform 9 and 3 quarters" in that way. I could tell you that it was just 4 shops Maradana side to the new Cannes', but then if you weren't led there by hand yourself, you'd never see it. I was led there by a friend.
It's a very dinghy place. Approximately only 1m x 10m in size, so small that once you sit on the chair you need to push it right in under the counter for someone to be able to pass behind you. Indeed if you were obese, you were turned away at the door. So necessity dictated that the barber cut my left side first and then move to work on the right.
You might wonder at my choice of saloon. But then, i have never been persuaded to have it done at these high flown places. What the hell for? I mean they cut YOUR hair and take YOUR money for it, and it will anyhow grow back it another 3 weeks no? So as long as a saloon confirmed to the basic hygiene standards and did a decent job without me suffering in waiting queues any place would do. Further unexpectedly, this place had A.C. too a boon in these times of hotness.
Nothing was amiss, until i got back to my room. I hadn't noticed anything at the view as i paid the barber, and it did look ok. It was only after the shower and towelling that the changes appeared.
Hair on the right side was shorter than the left and was of a different cut style alltogether. Even the sideburns were a good 2 cm length different and styled in two ways. And from in front.. the less said the better.
Before forming any sort of plan for the salvage, i went and sought the advice of my most loved free critic. After a critical appraisal of me from all sides and from far and near, she conveyed to me that from the right side i looked like "jamal malik" of slumdog fame, while on the left i was a mix between Roshan Ranawana and tintin (what the hell that is supposed to mean). And told me that if we could do somework on the sideburns and if combed right, the front would look just as well. So it's a wrap then, and i don't have to go accost the barber with the abomination he's created.
But, i do wonder sweet's can be a little biased at times. Would someone like to give a second opinion?